Hi Everyone,
I just wanted to tell you that I hope I did not offend anyone by my last post. I really hope that my words are not taken the wrong way and that there is nothing on there that is offensive. I'm always so worried about what other people think (something I'm working on) and I'd hate to think that I upset anyone by my post.
I guess that's the risk you take by putting a blog out there for everyone to see. I really just want to try and be as truthful (and tactful) as I possibly can. By writing this blog, it is my chance to just put myself out there.
Ok...that's all.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Just to clear a few things up...
Since the school year started for me on August 15, I have had quite a few people ask me what the latest news is regarding the adoption. Most people are absolutely shocked to find out that we haven't been placed yet. Now, I have no problem whatsoever with people who ask questions about this process, as I'm sure I'd be equally curious if I were them. But, some people have then taken the conversation further than I would like them to. Let me explain...
I have had a few people who then decide to throw in the "WOW...this is taking a long time!" comment. Ummm...yes, we know. It is taking a long time. I then have to explain that Lance and I specified gender, age and narrowed in our preferences on how much of a disability we would be comfortable with at this time in our lives (taking into account our house, etc.). I have no problem with people's curiosity, but it is really hard when people state the obvious and tell me that it's taking a long time. Trust me...we're well aware of how long we've been waiting.
This isn't something that has been exactly shocking to us, though. We knew when we asked for a girl that we'd be in for a wait. According to our social worker, Susan, for some reason there are many, many more boys in the system than there are girls, so then waiting for a girl who is as young as we'd like her to be is most likely going to take a while. Also, if there are any other families who have been waiting for the same thing (girl, under 1 year old) for a longer period than we have, they will probably be placed first.
OK...then I have had people tell me that I should call my social worker to find out what is happening. I can tell you with 100% certainty that if we haven't heard from Susan, that means there is no news to report. It's not like they're taking the kids and putting them into a holding pattern until....well...who knows.
Here is how Susan explained the process to us (although even this isn't set in stone):
A child comes into the system. The child gets placed with a "foster only" family until the social workers can find appropriate placement. It is at this time that the social workers that represent the children and the social workers representing the families (like Lance and I) get together to discuss if the child will remain in foster care only or be placed with a concurrent family (like Lance and I). There are many factors that go into this decision. Now, if the child they are discussing happens to be what we're looking for, it is at this time that Susan will make a case (and sort of "sell" us) to the children's worker. If both agree that Lance and I are a good fit for that child, we will then get the phone call telling us that we have been matched and will be placed. That's, roughly, how it works. Every situation is a little different and could vary, but this is pretty much how Susan expects it to happen.
I also need to bring something else up. I have had a few people tell me that "everything happens for a reason" and that things happen "when it's meant to be." Now, I'm sure to most people these are very comforting sayings/cliches, but to me, they don't really do anything for me. I know that people are trying to be supportive and I really appreciate that. I don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate the love and support we're getting. But, I don't believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that things happen because they do and because that's just life. I'm not sold on the idea that our life is already mapped out for us by some higher power/God/creator/etc and that things haven't happened yet because it wasn't "meant to be". I believe it just hasn't happened yet and that's it. There is no judgement from me if you believe in those sayings. I think you need to do whatever it is that gets you through life and the hard times. I'm just not so sure that I'm on the same page with those sayings.
In any case, I want to thank everyone for being so supportive. I don't think we would have been able to go this far in the process without everyone being so great and loving. Please feel free to ask us questions whenever you have them. But trust me....as soon as we hear anything, we will let everyone know. It will be no secret!
I hope everyone is having a safe Labor Day weekend!
I have had a few people who then decide to throw in the "WOW...this is taking a long time!" comment. Ummm...yes, we know. It is taking a long time. I then have to explain that Lance and I specified gender, age and narrowed in our preferences on how much of a disability we would be comfortable with at this time in our lives (taking into account our house, etc.). I have no problem with people's curiosity, but it is really hard when people state the obvious and tell me that it's taking a long time. Trust me...we're well aware of how long we've been waiting.
This isn't something that has been exactly shocking to us, though. We knew when we asked for a girl that we'd be in for a wait. According to our social worker, Susan, for some reason there are many, many more boys in the system than there are girls, so then waiting for a girl who is as young as we'd like her to be is most likely going to take a while. Also, if there are any other families who have been waiting for the same thing (girl, under 1 year old) for a longer period than we have, they will probably be placed first.
OK...then I have had people tell me that I should call my social worker to find out what is happening. I can tell you with 100% certainty that if we haven't heard from Susan, that means there is no news to report. It's not like they're taking the kids and putting them into a holding pattern until....well...who knows.
Here is how Susan explained the process to us (although even this isn't set in stone):
A child comes into the system. The child gets placed with a "foster only" family until the social workers can find appropriate placement. It is at this time that the social workers that represent the children and the social workers representing the families (like Lance and I) get together to discuss if the child will remain in foster care only or be placed with a concurrent family (like Lance and I). There are many factors that go into this decision. Now, if the child they are discussing happens to be what we're looking for, it is at this time that Susan will make a case (and sort of "sell" us) to the children's worker. If both agree that Lance and I are a good fit for that child, we will then get the phone call telling us that we have been matched and will be placed. That's, roughly, how it works. Every situation is a little different and could vary, but this is pretty much how Susan expects it to happen.
I also need to bring something else up. I have had a few people tell me that "everything happens for a reason" and that things happen "when it's meant to be." Now, I'm sure to most people these are very comforting sayings/cliches, but to me, they don't really do anything for me. I know that people are trying to be supportive and I really appreciate that. I don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate the love and support we're getting. But, I don't believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that things happen because they do and because that's just life. I'm not sold on the idea that our life is already mapped out for us by some higher power/God/creator/etc and that things haven't happened yet because it wasn't "meant to be". I believe it just hasn't happened yet and that's it. There is no judgement from me if you believe in those sayings. I think you need to do whatever it is that gets you through life and the hard times. I'm just not so sure that I'm on the same page with those sayings.
In any case, I want to thank everyone for being so supportive. I don't think we would have been able to go this far in the process without everyone being so great and loving. Please feel free to ask us questions whenever you have them. But trust me....as soon as we hear anything, we will let everyone know. It will be no secret!
I hope everyone is having a safe Labor Day weekend!
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