Oh, Baby!

It has taken me a really long time to finally update my blog. Part of that is because I have been in a great deal of denial about what is actually happening in my life at the moment and the other reason is that I didn't feel that the timing was right to talk about it until recently. My world has turned upside down over the last few months but in a very good way. It feels absolutely surreal to talk about how my life is going to change in the next six months when Lance and I bring a baby into this world. After everything we have been through with the adoption, I still can't believe that it took only 8 months for us to get pregnant. I feel really, really lucky and grateful. I still can't believe this is happening!

The last 3 1/2 years have felt like a roller coaster for me. As most of you know, Lance and I have been neck deep in the adoption process since August 2006. Most of the time, I was on a high. I knew that we would start a family eventually and every day I woke up thinking that maybe that was the day, but it never came. The phone never rang with the news that we had waited so patiently for. After doing all of the interviews, paperwork, background checks, a photo book of our family, a profile, required classes and non-required classes, the call for us to be placed with a child never came. I know that it would have come eventually, but Lance and I finally came to the conclusion that even though we're still young, we're not getting any younger. It was time to try something else.

There have been some misconceptions about the way Lance and I went about starting a family. Just the other day, I told a coworker of mine that I was expecting and her response was, "Oh, Kirsti! That's so great! Now you guys don't have to adopt!" A lot of people, if not most people, think that we wanted to adopt because we couldn't get pregnant ourselves. This idea couldn't be farther from the truth. Lance and I talked about adopting a child way before we were even married. It was something that appealed to both of us equally. It was something we really wanted to do. I went to see my doctor in the summer of 2005 and I asked to be put on "baby safe" blood pressure medication. The medication I was on at the time was not deemed safe for pregnancy. We tried a few different medications and different combinations of medications for about a year. In July 2006, I had a doctor appointment to check my blood pressure. At this point, I had tried about every combination possible, so Lance and I knew that this would be a deciding point for us. We decided on the way to my appointment that if my blood pressure was still not responding to the meds, we would adopt. Simple as that. Needless to say, the news was not good. Lance and I looked at each other in the car on the way home. I asked him, "adopt?" He said, "adopt!" It was decided. The next month, our journey started.

In May 2008, I started to wonder why everything was taking so long. I thought we would have been placed by then. I started to wonder if there were any other options for us so I scheduled another appointment with my family doctor to talk about blood pressure medications again. He sent me to a Perinatologist to discuss any newer medications that may have come out since we tried switching it up in 2006. They told me about two medications that were safe for pregnancy. I was really excited about this, since I had not previously tried either of them. To my surprise, they worked. I went from being on three meds to two meds and they were baby safe. I was happy to have another option.

Lance and I started trying for a baby in March 2009 and I was pregnant by November. It all seems so surreal!

I went for my first appointment on January 25, 2010 when I was 10 weeks along. I was pretty nervous going into my appointment because I just wanted and needed to hear good news. Up until then, I kept thinking that maybe there was a chance I was NOT pregnant and that I had lied to our family. Silly, I know, but that was the denial I was experiencing at the time. To my total surprise, my blood pressure was fantastic!!! I read at 114/82. I don't remember the last time my blood pressure was that good. Lance and I were pretty emotional seeing the baby for the first time. My parents and sister were anxiously waiting in the lobby to see us and celebrate the good news. It was such an amazing day! It was one that I'll never forget.

My second appointment was with a Perinatologist for my first trimester screening on February 12, 2010. They took measurements of the baby, we heard the heartbeat and they took a blood sample from me. Everything checked out perfectly! Two hands, two feet and a very strong heartbeat. The baby measured 2 1/2 inches in length and seemed to be right on track with everything. At this appointment, I was 12 weeks along.

Today starts my 13th week and I am due on August 25. We made our second appointment with the Perinatologist for April 7, which is when we will find out if we're having a girl or a boy! That day, we also have an appointment with the Pediatric Cardiologist. He will perform a baby echo to make sure the heart is okay. This appointment is more of a precaution because of Lance's heart history. He was born with pulmonary stenosis and had to have open heart surgery when he was 3 years old. He hasn't had any problems in the 33 years since then. The doctor told us that our baby only has a 4% chance of having something wrong with it's heart because of Lance's condition, so that put our minds at ease instantly. We really aren't worried about anything.

So, that is where we are in life! I had been feeling pretty fatigued lately, but I think I may be moving out of that and into the "just tired" category. I had only 2 weeks of very mild nausea between my 7th and 9th weeks and a little problem with sciatica, but that is pretty much it. Lance has been so wonderful and loving. I really could not have asked for a better husband, partner and friend in him. I am a really lucky gal. Life really is good!

I promise to try and blog more as we progress in this new journey. Wish us luck!

Our first ultrasound! 1/25/10

Baby at 10 weeks

Baby at 12 weeks, 3 days

Happy

While going into the special education office today to check my box, I struck up a conversation with our secretary. She asked me how I was doing and how everything was going in our class this year. It's no secret that the last few years have been a bit difficult. There is one particular person that I work with in my classroom who finds ways of making things very difficult for the rest of us. I won't go into specifics, but she has caused a lot of stress and tension in the classroom. There were many times over the last few years that I found myself just sitting in the special ed office so I could just breathe. I'm the kind of person who tends to take everything in and not let a whole lot back out, so I'm a constant ball of stress on the inside. It's something I'm working on.

Our secretary told me today that she has noticed a change in me this year. She said I look happy. She also told me that she was starting to worry about me last year. My students have never, ever been the source of my stress. In fact, I find them to be a bit of a stress reliever. They allow me to put things in perspective and for the time I am with them, they are the most important thing in my world. I care about all of them very much. As long as I am keeping them safe, happy and healthy, I feel that I am doing my job. Not to mention that they are just tons of fun to be around.

There is a definite reason for me being happier this year. I made a decision to not work a second job this school year. For the last few years, I have either found myself working at the preschool (which I LOVE, by the way!) or job coaching my students in the afternoons. As much as I like both jobs, I was beginning to feel worn out. I told Lance this summer that I needed a break and I crunched the numbers to see if I could pull it off financially. Money is definitely going to be much tighter without me working the extra hours, but I think we can pull it off.

I decided that it was time for me to do some things that I have been wanting to do for a long time but wasn't able to do while working the other jobs in the afternoons. I'm taking a college class on Monday nights. I'm not taking it because I have to. I'm taking it because I want to. I'm also taking a dance class with my sister on Wednesday nights that has made me so incredibly happy. Not only do I get to return to dance (I used to dance competitively) but I get to spend some time with my sister, who I don't get to see very often anymore. Lance and I are taking a bunch of classes on Thursday nights for foster and adoptive parents. Having the extra time also allows me to spend some much needed time with my hubby.

There are other things I would love to get involved in as well. If I can figure out a way to do it, I would love to also get myself back into singing. I've also wanted to volunteer for a long time, too, so I'm going to look into doing that. It definitely means that I have to sacrifice some things, but this is definitely more important. These are the things that are going to make me happy. I'm not going to be able to take care of a little one if I don't learn how to take care of myself as well. It's just an all around good decision on my part, I think.

Three Years and Counting

This August marked the official 3 year mark since Lance and I started our adoption journey. I don't really write about it because there hasn't been any new news to share with people. I now have just a couple of new things to share.

For everyone who doesn't know, in August of 2006, Lance and I attended an orientation for prospective foster and adoptive parents though the county we live in. We wanted to move the process along as quickly as possible, so we quickly signed up for the required Pride classes that took place over three consecutive weekends that September. We also signed up for countless other classes that were offered that were not required. We met several times (both together and seperately) with our social worker, Susan, and finally finished the homestudy in April of 2007. At that time, Susan told us that the only thing we had to do then was to wait for her to call and let us know that we are being placed and that the longest that anyone had to wait to be placed with a child was one year.

That was two and a half years ago.

Over the last couple of years, Lance and I have checked in with her occasionally to see if anything had changed. She had told us that there was no news if we didn't hear from her, but we called her occasionally anyway. We continued to go to classes and keep our CPR up to date. We never wanted there to be anything that would stand in our way if a little one came along that would be a good match for our family. Susan always assured us that we were a fantastic family and she always seemed eager to want to place a child with us.

Last month, I finally reached my breaking point, or so I thought. I knew that I needed to get some answers because I still could not figure out why we were not placed yet. I called Susan one early morning a few weeks ago and left her a voice message. She called me back just a short while later that morning and left me a message. I wasn't able to call her back during my work hours so I called her back as soon as I got home that afternoon. She told me that there have been a lot of changes within the homefinding department. They are really pushing reunification with birth families and relatives whenever possible, which meant that there were less children in the system and more families waiting to be placed. She told me that she didn't have the chance to put our file out on the table at matching meetings very often because of the nature of the situation (meaning the child would only be in foster care and probably wouldn't need a permanent home) or because there simply wasn't any children to place.

Lance and I started going to some fall classes a few weeks ago. At these classes, there is a lady named Cathy who has definitely claimed a place in my heart. That may sound really cheesy, but she has been an incredible support and advocate for us. She is the Interim Social Services Director for the county. We've known her for quite a while now, as she is the contact for most of the classes that we take, so we see her almost every time we go to one. When we reminded her of how long we have been waiting to be placed, it was as if she made it her mission to get some answers for us. She emailed me twice in a week and told me that she had spoken to Susan for us and even went into our file to try to find out what was going on. As it turns out, Lance and I weren't even officially licensed by the county until October 2008. I'm pretty sure that when Cathy told me that, my jaw hit the floor. I asked her why in the world it took a year and a half AFTER we finished the homestudy to get licensed. She told us that it most likely was a hold up with one of our references. (The county requires that you provide them with 4 references. We did this along with all of our other paperwork before the homestudy was complete). I still don't understand how things could have been held up for that long and I especially don't understand why we never knew about it, but it happened. I thought that we had been waiting for two and a half years to be placed. It looks like we've only been eligible for a year. I still just don't get it.

I guess part of the reason is because of the budget cuts and a very overworked social services and homefinding department in the county. They went from having 8 homefinding social workers down to 3. Luckily our social worker made the cuts, but it means that she has a larger caseload now. I found out last week that Susan has a caseload of 200, which seems like an insanely daunting number to me.

I just really hope that we stay on her radar and that she doesn't forget about us. It has been a rollercoaster of a ride that hasn't even really started yet. Lance and I have had some pretty emotional days, some very relaxed days and everythig in between. I'm really, really hoping that this happens soon.

No Sweat!

Today marked my first official day of eating absolutely no meat. I was supposed to start yesterday, but because I didn't want to throw out any leftovers in the fridge, I ate the last of the meat yesterday and decided to start this journey today. I had a very small breakfast, a lunch that consisted of an apple and some crackers and a dinner of pasta with a meatless bolognese/marinara sauce over it. It was mighty tasty! So, I'm off to a good start. I have 29 days to go. I'm trying to stay optimistic about the rest of the month. I have a friend at work who told me that she's going to feel bad eating meat in front of me at lunch time. I had to remind her that I wasn't under any kind of doctor's orders and that I was doing this voluntarily, so she shouldn't feel bad about what she brings to eat. You know what I felt like eating for lunch today? A hot dog. I never crave hot dogs. I like them, but never seek them out. Luckily,my craving quickly passed and I was okay with my apple and crackers. Lance bought the meatless hot dogs a while back and we thought they were disgusting.

Looks like I'll be eating a hot dog once this month is over!

Blog-A-Day Month!

I really cannot believe how much time has passed since I last posted something to my blog. I'm really happy that October is Blog-A-Day month, since it will hopefully give me a chance to write about what has been going on with me over the last year. On one hand, it feels as if not much has changed. On the other hand, I can't believe how fast this last year has gone by.

This school year marks my 10th year working in special education with my school district. I am incredibly grateful to have had my job for this long and I'm even more grateful for being able to get up each day and look forward to going to work. I really, truly love my job and the students I work with. It's not always a cake walk, although my problems at work never have to do with the students. They are so inspiring to me. They make me laugh every single day. I love being able to watch them grow into such independent adults and develop new skills. I really don't see myself ever having another kind of job.

I have a lot more to say, but I think I'll try and spread my thoughts out over the month. October is both the month that I post to my blog every day and I cut out all meat and go vegetarian. I'm sure I'll have a lot to say about that as the days go by.

Surprise!

Thanksgiving went really well this year. Lance cooked dinner for the second year in a row and did an amazing job! I think he really likes doing it. My parents, sister and Jon were here. We also played a little Rock Band and I think my sister is now officially hooked on the game. So much fun!

Friday was the day I was sort of dreading, but it ended up being a great day. Lance ended up taking me to Monterey for the day and we had an amazing time. The weather was sort of cool but not freezing. We had a fantastic lunch and then we walked around near the aquarium. We ended up not going to the aquarium because we didn't have much time to spend there, so we'll go next time. We stopped in a jewelry store and Lance bought me a beautiful ring and necklace! I'll be sure to post a picture of it when I upload it onto my computer. We shared a Ghiradelli ice cream sundae before heading to my parent's house. My parents had made dinner reservations at a newer steakhouse in downtown Clayton for that evening. It was delicious!!!!! Sooooo good. It turned out to be a very nice day!

Yesterday, my sister called me in the morning and told me that she was going to take me out for my birthday since she wasn't able to see me on my actual birthday. She picked me up around 1pm and we took off driving. She wouldn't tell me where we were going and I tried to not ask very many questions. It was all sort of suspicious, though, as she was driving in what felt like circles. She went a very weird direction out of my street and then we got on the freeway. When she got off the freeway, she started backtracking on the side streets. I really didn't know where we were going. Finally, she pulled into the bowling alley parking lot and told me we were going bowling. Sweet! I love bowling so I was super happy. What I didn't know was that a bunch of my friends and my parents were inside to surprise me. I had absolutely NO clue that this had been planned! Bre and Lance set up the entire thing for me. I was absolutely speechless for what seemed like an endless amount of time. We started walking toward the far lanes and they all jumped out screaming "Happy Birthday!" It was amazing. I was shocked...and super happy.

We played a couple of games and then everyone headed to my house for pizza, cake and Rock Band. The last of my friends left at 11pm, so it was a very full day of fun. I had the most amazing time. I actually couldn't have asked for a better day. I LOVE games...any games...so to be able to play all day with my friends was a blast.

Lance, Bre, Mom, Dad, Leah, Justin, Dan, Noell, Madison, Laura, Bridget, Scott, Mike, Shellie and Izzie....THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for celebrating my birthday with me! It truly was one that I will never forget.

Birthday Celebration!

An amazing day
Bowling and Rock Band with friends
A special birthday